The Eye of the Storm
by Sandpiper
Summary: Sydney's thoughts based on spoilers for Dark Turn. One Parter.


The Eye of the Storm

What do you do when you find out that someone close to you could be a traitor? How do you react? What are you supposed to think? Do you stand by them or assume the worst?  
It was not the first time she had faced this dilemma, but instead of getting easier it seemed to get harder each time.  
  
When it happened with Noah, she stuck with what she believed she knew, and the worst case scenario in that situation turned out to be the one that was true.  
And last year when they thought her father had been KGB she had taken the second option, and found out that her suspicions should have been pointed in a direction that she never would have thought of in a million years.  
So what was she to do this time? The news had been a shock, of course, but there was work to keep her mind busy. To keep her from dwelling on it every second. National security did not stop for a personal crisis.  
  
However, once she got home it was a different story. Will and Francie were out at a movie, they urged her to come along but she declined. She remembered that they kissed a few weeks ago, though neither had mentioned anything since then. She hoped that something would work out for them. They deserved some happiness.  
She was too preoccupied to concentrate on reading a book, so she tired to find something on tv to keep herself busy. However, it being Friday night, there was nothing on that she found stimulating enough to keep her mind from wondering back to Vaughn and the fact that the agency was investigating him.  
  
It gnawed at the back of her mind until even the walls of her house felt suffocating. Finally she could stand it no longer, and she got in her car a drove. She flipped through the radio stations, again searching for something to get her mind off the doubt, and finding nothing.  
Finally giving up, she drove ahead with no particular destination in mind. She later found the car to be stopped in a parking space near a strip of restaurants and clubs, with no memory of the trip there. She got out the car and started walking.  
  
_How could this be happening? It couldn't be true. What if it was?_  
  
With every step the questions plagued her further. Would Vaughn betray her? Betray his country? It seemed so unlike him.  
  
_Appearances can be misleading_  
  
But why? What could he possibly serve to gain by selling secrets? She wondered.  
  
_Sometimes you never can tell_  
  
She walked faster. The wind swirled her hair around the side of her head, and goose bumps formed on her arms from the cool air. She should have brought a jacket along.  
  
Who is Michael Vaughn? Her mind asked. He was her handler, her confidant, her protector, her friend, her lover..........her enemy? The word felt like acid on her tongue. This was not right. It wasn't supposed to be this way. They were supposed to be able to trust each other. Wasn't supposed to be this way..........  
  
She felt a sharp pain in her stomach. A menstrual cramp maybe. She realized it would be the right time of the month soon. They were low on tampons...........she should pick up some on the way home.  
  
Instead she continued walking. Always was walking. Don't stop now.  
  
_You can't get away Sydney_  
  
She felt surge of alarm. Had that voice been inside her head or had it been from somewhere else? She glanced around and the continued in the direction she had been going.  
Slowly she became aware of another set of footsteps in sync with hers.  
She turned a corner and increased her pace.  
The steps followed her.  
She felt the anxiety welling up just below her ribs, threatening burst out at any moment. She reminded her self that it was okay. It was probably just her imagination, and even if someone were following her there was no need to worry about it. She was a spy. She could take them.  
The steps continued consistently. No matter how much faster she went they never changed. They always styled at the same pace but never seemed to fade into the distance. Calm.........controlled........intent.  
The shots of pain continued in her stomach, and she could feel the beginnings of a headache and her heartbeat increasing tempo in her ears. She continued to walk faster. If she picked up speed anymore she would practically be running, but still the steps continued. They were still the same speed but they seemed to get louder and more pronounced.  
She turned another corner in front of a coffee shop and ran into someone coming out the door.  
  
The noise stopped  
  
"Syd?"  
  
"Vaughn?" she whispered so softly it was almost impossible to hear her.  
He stood before her in jeans and his black jacket, the wind giving him a flushed and energetic look.  
"Syd, are you alright?" he asked.  
She blinked in confusion and moved her lips, finding that they would not from any words.  
"What's the matter?" he asked again, putting a concerned hand on her shoulder.  
Her first instinct was to brush it away. Be cold to him so that he would feel as confused and alone as she did. She didn't move though.  
Her eyes stung as she looked up at him. She wanted to hit him, ask how he could do this to her, yell at him for making her doubt him, beg him to tell her that it was not true.  
The tears fell from her eyes before she even had a chance to stop them.  
"Jesus, Syd," he exclaimed softly and pulled her into his arms. She felt so exhausted to resist physically or emotionally.  
She fell into the embrace and let her self cry. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She yelled inside her head. She was supposed to be able to compartmentalize. She should be in control of her emotions! But every time she tried to choke a sob back down it would just well back up, forming a painful knot in her throat.  
In the back of her mind she heard him talking. He told her it would be okay, and held her, rocking lightly from side to side like with a baby. How had he learned to do that?  
  
Even though she should have, she did not move or speak. She knew what would happen. He would take her home and feed her tea and painkiller, and stay with her that night. He would be curious about why she was so upset, but would not push her if she didn't talk about it. She would doze off in his living room, and he would take her to bed. She would slowly ease awake the next morning with a languid feel of warm sheets and warm skin.  
  
All of this would happen............and she would let it.  
Nothing was different. Vaughn was still under investigation, and there was still a possibility that he might be guilty. Her running into him had not changed that.  
But then again. Him being under investigation hadn't changed anything either. He was still the same man she had known nearly two years and she still needed him............and that's what scared her the most.


End file.
